Movement

Hi friends.

It's been weeks since I shared a blog post. Things are tough in so many ways, and right now I'm making the most of my calmer moments by getting in some much needed rest. A few areas of my life are suffering as a result, but burning myself into the ground won't make me a better friend, sister or student in the long run. Right? Anyway, those of you who support me, even with a kind word here and there, are like stars to me. Can't even express how much I appreciate you.

Without further ado, let's talk about movement. What does that word mean to you?

For so long, movement for me meant shrinking myself. Shaping myself, conditioning myself, conforming to expectations. It was about will-power, force and dread. Driving my body at full speed when my mind and heart sought rest. Movement was self-destruction and obligation, and I know I'm not alone in this. I see now that I did not move for myself, but for the version of myself I felt I should be.

I think so many of us get wrapped up in societal expectations and pressures, so that we forget the real magic of moving our bodies. In all of this, our reasons get completely muddled and lost. I want to make one thing clear: I believe that pushing ourselves both physically and mentally is totally awesome. I have always admired the strength and determination of athletes, in the same way as I look up to writers, artists and philosophers. The key, though, is realising our own motivations and limits. This is why comparison is futile - we are all built differently and with unique potentials, which is really cool when you think about it.

I was born with a healthy body, but I have mistreated it for so many years. Rather than embracing its positive potential, I have pushed it so that it suffers, weakens and tires easily. Accepting this has been huge for me. My body is a gift, and I won't take it for granted.

So, that said, I've been changing my attitude towards exercise. Maybe you'll join me?

Now, I move because it feels good. I exercise not only my muscles, but my mind, my imagination and my creativity. I move because I have the space to do so, and because my body is capable of amazing things. Not because I hate it, but because I love it, and because I deserve that much respect. I move in the knowledge that I must care for every aspect of myself in order to reach my full potential.

Art work by Dallas Clayton

How do you love to move? Are you a walker like me, who finds comfort in the peacefulness and scope of nature? Do you like the sense of belonging that comes with team sports, or the energy and buzz you find at the gym? Discover (or continue to pursue) what you love, and accept that only you will know when you've found this. Be honest with yourself, because you owe yourself that. You are brave and strong.

If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive.

Love,

S x

P.S. I un-froze my gym membership, and I terminated it altogether. At this time in my life, it isn't for me. I'm done with running for miles and getting nowhere.

Freda

Hi again!

Thanks so much for checking in. I'm really excited to share this post with you all, so I hope you enjoy. I wanted to talk about Freda, a business I discovered recently, and one whose values I consider profoundly important. They are a subscription service with a range of different packages, so that you have good quality pads or tampons (or a mixture of both) delivered to your door each month.
The wonderful ladies at Freda are on a mission to unlock the potential of all girls, by helping to provide safe and abundant menstrual sanitary products.

Co-founders Affi and Diahann
from myfreda.com

Monthly subscription boxes are a bit of a trend at the moment, be it snacks, flowers, beauty products... (I've even seen one for cacti!). Here are some reasons why this one is special, and one you'll be really thankful for:

• Never get caught out

We've all been there. Who thinks to buy tampons or sanitary towels unless they need them? A very organised person, that's who. Reality is, we're often forced to make mad dashes to the shops when our periods appear. Or even worse, we improvise until that's possible. Freda puts an end to this, since you know for sure you'll be receiving ample sanitary products every single month, without having to pay any thought to it. I think it's pretty ingenious. 

• Kind to your body

Freda's tampons and pads contain one ingredient: 100% organic cotton. You can also opt for BPA-free plastic applicators with the tampons. They don't use any dyes, fragrances or other artificial nasties, and they are hypoallergenic for sensitive skin. I hadn't even considered what goes into my usual products but I'm of the belief that if I can't pronounce it or visualise it, it's probably not ideal for me. 

from myfreda.com/blog/

• Simple and stylish design

Now maybe this means nothing to you, but I loved the design of Freda's products from the offset (honestly, it's what caught my eye). The colours are calm and simple, and there are none of the garish patterns and slogans found on typical sanitary products. The little cotton bag is such a lovely touch, and mine travels with me in my college backpack so that I'm never caught out on the go. Not to mention it's discreet, which is always cool.

• Support a great cause

Freda helps out wonderful charities, such as A Bloody Good Cause who collect donations of sanitary products for homeless shelters. Not only do they help to publicize their mission, but they donate sanitary products to those who would otherwise go without. These things are a basic human right. Freda are also working to support refugee women and girls without access to education. I'm lucky to enjoy a relatively privileged western lifestyle, and it has been enormously eye opening and humbling for me to learn about the conditions millions of women and girls have to live in. I think we can all agree that no girl should be held back by her circumstances, so any step towards greater dignity, freedom and equality is so important.

from myfreda.com/blog/

Freda offers a range of monthly boxes including pads (night, day or pantyliners), tampons, and there's even a box especially for teens. You can choose what works for you.

You can get your first month completely free (including shipping!) by using the code joinsally92 at the checkout. So go grab your free box if you're interested, I think you'll really like it.

Have any questions that I've not answered? You can follow Freda on instagram, twitter or facebook at @fredaspeaks or shoot them an email at campaign@myfreda.com.

S x

Update: Where am I in terms of recovery?

Hi friends

Today I turn 20, which is both exciting and scary! I'm surrounded by those dearest to me, and my heart is so full.

Anyway, in the midst of the birthday celebrations I've got my reflective head on. I thought I'd make this post about how things are going recently, with regards to my eating disorder recovery in particular. Plus, I've been meaning to get some goals written down for this year, and what better place to do it?

So without further ado, what's been going on?

Well, I'm still having weekly therapy and weigh-ins, three years down the line. This is not so great, although for the first time ever I have a therapist I connect with, and who I'm actively engaging with. We're not doing any formal treatment type, although there are elements of CBT to what we discuss. This is mainly because until now, the more pressing issues have been at least stabilising my weight, and regularising my eating. I'm on top of the latter - in fact I've made huge steps in restoring my weight these past few months. I'm eating consistently and adequately, although admittedly I still struggle with variety, and I mostly don't exceed a maintenance amount (energy-wise). The orthorexic side of my eating disorder is pretty loud these days, most likely due to the whole "if I can't control how much I'm eating, I'll control what I'm eating" sort of thing. That said, I'm munching on chocolate as I type this, so I'm breaking down those walls every day.

Vegan coffee and walnut cake, courtesy of Boston Tea Party
Enjoyed within half an hour of waking up, obviously,

In the past six months, things have taken an enormous 360 degree turn. I've dragged myself out of a dangerous relapse and my life has changed dramatically. I'm in college, I'm making new friends (whilst cherishing my old ones) and I'm loving life. I think the sense of purpose which came with starting college has been hugely important; I'm learning that my problems largely stem from feelings of  laziness and worthlessness.

My biggest struggle currently is accepting my enormous appetite. I hear the concept of 'extreme hunger' thrown about by professionals and so forth but until recent months, although it's not something I've ever experienced in recovery. But man, if this is what I'm experiencing now, then it's hit me like a train. If you don't know what this is, I'll explain it to the best of my understanding. It's basically the process of your body crying out for food following a period of starvation. This often means feeling hungry, heck, ravenous despite eating supposed 'normal' amounts of food. It also means, unless you opt to ignore your body's pleas, that you end up consuming what you perceive as excessive volumes of food. You feel bottomless, and constantly ravenous. In reality, this is your body's way of fixing the energy deficit you've created, and restoring itself to its comfy place as fast as possible. For me, it's been relentless. I can easily consume four times the portion my Mum would eat for dinner, and my tummy will be rumbling within half an hour. I am hungry all the time, and because I struggle mentally with allowing myself to eat until I'm satisfied, I end up grazing on fruits and veggies constantly between meals. I'm not quite there with honouring my body's wishes, unfortunately. It's a work in progress.

My decision to temporarily cease exercise back in November was a good one, and whilst this creates internal battles for me, I am sticking to it. I'm on the hunt for a form of exercise which relaxes me, and which I genuinely enjoy. I'd love to try out yoga and as always, I still love walking. I'll get back to running one day, I'm sure.

2016 was the year I committed to veganism, and it is among the best decisions I've ever made. My eating habits have dramatically changed, and so have my attitudes towards food. Gone are the days of weighing things, obsessively counting calories and tracking my intake. Thank goodness, since all of those things are boring, and now I can shift my focus to other matters. Speaking of focus, I now have something so much bigger than myself to put my energies into. I am more compassionate and conscious in my actions, and I am learning to love my body for what it is capable of. I'm not sure how veganism has bought me all of these things but trust me, it has.

I'm conscious that I've been unwell to some degree for many years, and that with eating disorders, the prognosis gets worse as time goes on. The thought of carrying this illness into my twenties is terrifying, far more so than challenging my eating disorder in the present. I have to let this go, and perhaps this will be the year.

So, without further ado, here are some of my goals:

• Reach the target weight set by my team, and accept that this is a minimum as opposed to a limit
• Continue to challenge myself regularly with foods I consider "bad" or "unhealthy"
• Keep fighting to shift the focus from my weight, to other things like my social and artistic strengths
• Continue to expand on my bank of healthy coping mechanisms, and start to pinpoint what has caused me to relapse over and over in the past
• Let go of any remaining things which hinder my recovery, like unhelpful social media accounts and old food diaries 
• Ultimately, reach a state which allows me to go to university later this year.

Before I go, happy #womensmarch day! I pray that today will be a day of great change. Follow my pinterest board for all things feminist. 

 

Your ongoing support gives me so much strength. Oh, and to those of you who have wished me a happy birthday on my social media accounts, thank you!!! I'm overwhelmed by you all. 

So much love

S x

The Body Image Pledge

Hello!

I was inspired to write this after watching Jenny Mustard's video, The Body Image Pledge. This is a pretty personal post, but I don't want to censor myself on this blog and besides, maybe somebody can relate. Let's talk about body image!

I have always had a complicated relationship with my body which, in retrospect, began very early in life. My body has always been a source of shame and embarrassment. As a child, I feared close-fitting clothing and was insistent on wearing a big padded coat at all times, even indoors. Apologies to my Mum; it drove her crazy. As soon as I discovered the link between food and body shape, my childhood became punctuated by secret diets, which were sadly also common playground chat. But the diets were always short lived and besides, I was such a foodie; my appetite was always marveled at (and still is, haha).

My habit of wearing multiple layers in the scorching summer was passed off as me being a "cold person", and any talks about puberty or periods in school made me sick with dread. I was afraid of change, and I wanted to maintain my skinny child-like body forever. I actually remember telling my friends "but I don't want boobs" (nineteen year old me wholeheartedly retracts that).

Such was my fear, that I refused to discuss any relating matters with those around me. And of course, the inevitable happened. Puberty hit me like a train. My face filled out, my hips widened, my legs thickened. I hated everything about this, and felt awkward, self conscious and exposed most of the time. I wanted to be smaller, less noticeable, more discreet. I regret this now.

Body shaming is really commonplace in today's society. On one side of the spectrum, overweight people are shamed and stamped with derogatory labels. On another side, we can become so concerned with eliminating fat shaming, that naturally thin girls are no longer considered "real women". These are only a couple of examples, and this is so wrong. The media breeds self-criticism, so that we can no longer win; we are always too fat, too thin, too masculine, too bulky. Too curvy, not curvy enough. Discussions about important things (art, literature, politics and so on) are being replaced with gossip about which celebrity has or has not succumbed to plastic surgery. Which fad diet to follow, which attributes make us most attractive to men.

Fast forwards to now, and I'm a young woman. It feels strange to say that, but the reality is I'm most likely done growing. I am nothing like I used to be. I still struggle with my body image, and I'm sure that body dysmorphia distorts my view so that what I see in the mirror is innacurate. But by the day, I am more aware of my own strengths and quirks, none of which relate to my physical appearance. My goal is a strong and healthy body, and one which will allow me to go wherever my mind takes me in the future. Whether this body be curvy and full, or slim and athletic, is of no relevance. I no longer aspire to a certain physique, but a new way of seeing. I will engage in healthy habits and look after myself, with the trust that a natural and healthy body will follow.

Now onto Jenny's pledge, which sums this up so perfectly.

www.youtube.com/jennymustard

1. I pledge to shift focus from being pretty & skinny, to being healthy and kind
2. I pledge to never again make a negative comment about another person's body
3. I pledge to stop supporting media that engages in body shaming
4. I pledge to be a positive influence in my own environment

www.youtube.com/jennymustard

It is time to reclaim our bodies. Feel free to join me in this pledge by making changes to how you view yours, and others' bodies.

S xxx

Saying Goodbye to 2016

Hello again friends!

This is my first post in a while. Sorry about that - college got crazy busy and I decided to wait until the New Year to commit to this blog fully. That said, I have around twenty draft posts waiting to go; I have so much to talk about! Firstly, wishing you a really happy New Year. I hope your festive period has been filled with lots of love and good food. My family really spoiled me this Christmas, and we had a wonderful time.

That said, the pressure to be reflective can get overwhelming at this time of year. For me it always brings up feelings I can't quite name, but really dislike. I don't see the point in over-analysing and reliving the bad bits of 2016; I've learnt from them, and I have really good insight to move forward with. Instead I'll think about the positives, of which there are so many. What you focus on grows, right?

I live a sheltered, privileged life and I have a family who loves me. A roof over my head, a warm bed, good shoes and kitchen cupboards brimming with my favourite foods. My friends are fantastic, and I'm blessed with the means to connect with inspiring souls all over the world. I receive a wonderful education which challenges and expands my mind all the time, and I have a clear set of goals for myself. I am more compassionate, more grateful and more determined than I have ever been. When I focus on all of these things, I know that I should not regret any of this years' events; I am happy with where I am now and I am excited about the future.

Let's talk about New Years' resolutions. There are two parts of me, and these fall into battle as New Year comes around. On one hand, I am frustrated and bored by the empty resolutions of others around me, to "eat healthier" or "go to the gym every day" as soon the calendar flips to January 1st. I don't doubt that they genuinely intend to see this through; I've been there! But I can't help thinking that we are so often setting ourselves up for failure. I despise the notion that we must wait for a new year to come before we initiate positive changes. If we weren't able to go a week without fast food in 2016, how can we expect ourselves to abstain immediately and altogether, now that it's 2017? The subsequent and almost inevitable "falling off the wagon" leads to feelings of inadequacy. In the belief that we have "failed", we so often give up entirely and lose sight of where we truly want to be.

But (and there's always a but), I recognise that fresh starts can be hugely healing. Every day is a fresh start in my life and without this affirmation, I would stumble and fall constantly. And so if, for whatever reason, the New Year brings a renewed sense of motivation and positivity, then run with it! Just so long as your goals are realistic, sustainable and genuinely healthy. Also, check your reasons. For instance if you want to eat more whole foods purely in the pursuit of a thin body, then you most likely won't stick to it. Do it for the mental clarity, the internal health benefits and the planet also.

This morning's zoats - perfect start! 

With that out of the way, I'll share a few of my general goals for 2017:

• Start yoga
• Be more mindful
• Practice more gratitude
• Feed myself well 
• Show more love

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has supported me this past year. Your kind words and encouragement mean the world to me. Wishing you so much love and peace in 2017. Watch this space for more blog posts!

Love,

S x

Delayed Gratification to Achieve Your Goals

Hey friends.

Happy Monday! I'm currently curled up on my bed while dinner cooks, with my fairy lights flickering and my fluffiest jumper on. I'm learning to accept moments like these as not only normal, but necessary. A girl's gotta chill out, right?

Anyway, I just wanted to share something that's helped me a lot recently, especially since I've been hit by a wave of college deadlines, and life feels super hectic. Let's talk about delayed gratification. Or, put simply, the practice of waiting, and holding off from immediate pleasure or reward until later. It was this video by Vegan Family TV which got me thinking about it. If you watch it, take it with a pinch of salt; you might just find a few gems of inspiration.

We all practice delayed gratification at times; it's human nature. As a child, I distinctly remember gobbling down my peas in two minutes flat, before slowly savouring each mouthful of golden roast potato. Then, scribbling hurriedly through my homework sheets, just to enjoy that 7:30 TV show. Or you may have seen that experiment on TV, where a marshmallow is placed in front of a room of salivating pre-schoolers. They're told that they can eat it now, or wait fifteen minutes and be given an extra one. Apparently profound psychological conclusions can be drawn from this, and while I accept that some of us are predisposed to be better at practicing delayed gratification, it's something we can all do with a little self-discipline. But, unlike my homework example above, it shouldn't mean jeopardizing the quality of the task at hand, but rather completing it efficiently, and without procrastination.

It's a concept we can all relate to, but recently I've been making a concerted effort to put it into practice. I can honestly say, it is improving my quality of life! No exaggeration, I promise. Already, I've noticed an increase in my productivity and, consequently, my self-esteem. Not to mention, I am heaps more mindful and appreciative of the things I used to rush and take for granted.

My morning mug of steaming coffee tastes so much better if I hold off for a while, and drink a big glass of water beforehand. Let's face it, water doesn't taste great, and it's not what I fancy first thing in the morning (especially in these colder months). But I am forgetful and lazy when it comes to hydration, and I know this morning drink improves my mental clarity. Plus, this way I have a head start before breakfast, and taking care of myself is, actually, super productive. (yeah guys, it is!) I also try to get my bed made, and my bag packed on college days, before enjoying that coffee. I sip slowly as opposed to gulping absentmindedly, and damn guys, my coffee has never tasted so good.

That's just a little example. Here's another: I had a pretty lengthy sociology assignment to complete over half term, and in true Sally-style, I left it all until the very last minute (we can talk about study tips at a later date, when I've figured them out for myself, sigh). So here I was, with four essays to complete, and maybe thirty-six hours, into which I also had to factor classes, food and sleep - nice one Sal. Anyhow. Previously, I'd have crumbled under the pressure of this and most likely turned in either a sub-standard piece, or nothing at all (which wasn't an option in this case since it counted towards my final grade, aaaah!) My concentration is appalling and I am so easily distracted, so that what could be worked through in twelve hours, easily eats up an entire week.

Then I remembered my new friend, delayed gratification. I sat in my uncomfortable library chair and I thought: what would be really luxurious and relaxing right now? What I came up with was something along the lines of a warm bath, fluffy pjs, hot chocolate and netflix. I let myself float in this thought for a moment, before telling myself: okay. You can close your laptop, catch the bus home and have all of these things, but you won't really enjoy them because of the deadline still looming over you. Or, you could persevere, switch off your phone, and get busy. Complete this damn assignment, even if you're in the library until closing, and then you can go home and take a deep breath. Knowing that you're done, and can truly enjoy your relaxation time.

Guys, it worked! I calmed my anxiety, I told myself that panicking will not change my situation, and I got it done. All the while, promising myself I'd learn from my mistakes and prioritize it earlier next time. But baby steps, right? I had such a relaxing evening (albeit an evening which started at 9pm), and I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and calm about the day ahead.

Since then, delayed gratification is one of my favourite tools. It's a way of factoring in those little things you love, whilst at the same time, getting shit done! For you, it might mean getting your blood pumping on a chilly sunday morning run, before coming home to a cosy breakfast with your family. Perhaps you could do the ironing and cleaning bright and early on a saturday morning, then enjoy a chilled weekend knowing that it's out of the way. Maybe even something little, like washing up the pan you cooked with, before sitting down to enjoy your dinner. Although let's be real, I'm never doing that.

An end note: I am all for self-care, and I am so against the notion that relaxation should be earned. No no no. This is just a little tip for when you're struggling to get cracking on that dreaded task, or when you can't get motivated to implement that healthy habit you know is good for you.

Have a chilled evening,

S xxx

☾

Hi!

I'm Sally and this is my first blog post... not really sure where to begin! I've wanted to start this blog for a really long time, but as with many things, my perfectionism held me back! I felt I needed to know everything. The best servers, domains, templates and so forth, which is a time consuming task! The blogging world is vast.

Yet time is passing, I have so very many things to talk about, and thoughts are getting lost in the everyday hectic-ness. So I've changed my mindset. I've chosen a super basic template and set-up, and I'm beginning from here. This blog will be a work in progress as I learn the ins and outs, but I can still share my ideas and interests in the meantime! Watch this space :)

I'll talk a little bit about me. I'm nineteen years old, and I live in a very beautiful, green part of England. I'm a city girl at heart, but I'm learning to love nature and I'm taking in as much of this area as possible while I can. I'm a student, studying Literature, Sociology and Psychology. Literature is my love. I recently started a new college where I know nobody, but it's been an adventure and I'm finding my feet! I'm also into all things artsy, though I'm definitely no artist. It would be amazing if I could move out and start university next year, but we'll see what happens.

After years of mistreating myself, both physically and mentally, I am on a journey towards self-acceptance and peace. I can't wait to share my progress with others, as I am learning so much with each passing day. I have come across so many beautiful and inspiring souls through YouTube, Instagram and Tumblr, and I'd love to make a post about them, since I can honestly say I'd be in a much different place if it weren't for them. I'm exploring the concept of mindfulness after an awesome course I took over the summer, and in the past year I've discovered a love for running and fitness in general. I am so lucky to have a unique and functioning body, so from here I will take good care of it, and use it to its full potential.

In line with this, I switched to a vegan lifestyle earlier this year after months of research and experimentation. My heart has been so full ever since. It's as though I've woken up after years and years of sleeping. I know this is the way I will live my life, forever. I'm avoiding going into depth now, because I want to give it the attention it deserves in more focused posts! I'm a real foodie as well, and I'm constantly coming up with new recipes, so maybe I can share those? Finally, I discovered the concept of minimalism not so long ago, and I've never looked back! So stay tuned if it's something you might be interested in, as I'd love to discuss it in depth. I'm probably missing out lots of things, but what I'm saying is that this'll be a really diverse and ever-changing blog. It'll be fun though!

I want to add, I've suffered with mental illness for many years,  and while I'm the first to insist that our illnesses do not define us, it's a topic I'll touch on here from time to time. A combination of personal experiences and my time on social media has forced me to realise that mental illness is an immeasurably prominent problem in society today, and there are still so many people suffering in silence. Since I have the means, I think it's my duty to contribute my voice to the topic, which is why I'll try to be totally transparent and real. I've been suffering with Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Anxiety, combined with severe emetophobia, for at least the past six years. About three to four years ago, Anorexia Nervosa came to join the party. I'm well on the road to full recovery, but you can follow my instagram where I talk more about my daily struggles with these.

 


If you're reading this, welcome to my blog! I hope you'll join me on this adventure.

Lots of love,

S xxx