Movement

Hi friends.

It's been weeks since I shared a blog post. Things are tough in so many ways, and right now I'm making the most of my calmer moments by getting in some much needed rest. A few areas of my life are suffering as a result, but burning myself into the ground won't make me a better friend, sister or student in the long run. Right? Anyway, those of you who support me, even with a kind word here and there, are like stars to me. Can't even express how much I appreciate you.

Without further ado, let's talk about movement. What does that word mean to you?

For so long, movement for me meant shrinking myself. Shaping myself, conditioning myself, conforming to expectations. It was about will-power, force and dread. Driving my body at full speed when my mind and heart sought rest. Movement was self-destruction and obligation, and I know I'm not alone in this. I see now that I did not move for myself, but for the version of myself I felt I should be.

I think so many of us get wrapped up in societal expectations and pressures, so that we forget the real magic of moving our bodies. In all of this, our reasons get completely muddled and lost. I want to make one thing clear: I believe that pushing ourselves both physically and mentally is totally awesome. I have always admired the strength and determination of athletes, in the same way as I look up to writers, artists and philosophers. The key, though, is realising our own motivations and limits. This is why comparison is futile - we are all built differently and with unique potentials, which is really cool when you think about it.

I was born with a healthy body, but I have mistreated it for so many years. Rather than embracing its positive potential, I have pushed it so that it suffers, weakens and tires easily. Accepting this has been huge for me. My body is a gift, and I won't take it for granted.

So, that said, I've been changing my attitude towards exercise. Maybe you'll join me?

Now, I move because it feels good. I exercise not only my muscles, but my mind, my imagination and my creativity. I move because I have the space to do so, and because my body is capable of amazing things. Not because I hate it, but because I love it, and because I deserve that much respect. I move in the knowledge that I must care for every aspect of myself in order to reach my full potential.

Art work by Dallas Clayton

How do you love to move? Are you a walker like me, who finds comfort in the peacefulness and scope of nature? Do you like the sense of belonging that comes with team sports, or the energy and buzz you find at the gym? Discover (or continue to pursue) what you love, and accept that only you will know when you've found this. Be honest with yourself, because you owe yourself that. You are brave and strong.

If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive.

Love,

S x

P.S. I un-froze my gym membership, and I terminated it altogether. At this time in my life, it isn't for me. I'm done with running for miles and getting nowhere.

The Body Image Pledge

Hello!

I was inspired to write this after watching Jenny Mustard's video, The Body Image Pledge. This is a pretty personal post, but I don't want to censor myself on this blog and besides, maybe somebody can relate. Let's talk about body image!

I have always had a complicated relationship with my body which, in retrospect, began very early in life. My body has always been a source of shame and embarrassment. As a child, I feared close-fitting clothing and was insistent on wearing a big padded coat at all times, even indoors. Apologies to my Mum; it drove her crazy. As soon as I discovered the link between food and body shape, my childhood became punctuated by secret diets, which were sadly also common playground chat. But the diets were always short lived and besides, I was such a foodie; my appetite was always marveled at (and still is, haha).

My habit of wearing multiple layers in the scorching summer was passed off as me being a "cold person", and any talks about puberty or periods in school made me sick with dread. I was afraid of change, and I wanted to maintain my skinny child-like body forever. I actually remember telling my friends "but I don't want boobs" (nineteen year old me wholeheartedly retracts that).

Such was my fear, that I refused to discuss any relating matters with those around me. And of course, the inevitable happened. Puberty hit me like a train. My face filled out, my hips widened, my legs thickened. I hated everything about this, and felt awkward, self conscious and exposed most of the time. I wanted to be smaller, less noticeable, more discreet. I regret this now.

Body shaming is really commonplace in today's society. On one side of the spectrum, overweight people are shamed and stamped with derogatory labels. On another side, we can become so concerned with eliminating fat shaming, that naturally thin girls are no longer considered "real women". These are only a couple of examples, and this is so wrong. The media breeds self-criticism, so that we can no longer win; we are always too fat, too thin, too masculine, too bulky. Too curvy, not curvy enough. Discussions about important things (art, literature, politics and so on) are being replaced with gossip about which celebrity has or has not succumbed to plastic surgery. Which fad diet to follow, which attributes make us most attractive to men.

Fast forwards to now, and I'm a young woman. It feels strange to say that, but the reality is I'm most likely done growing. I am nothing like I used to be. I still struggle with my body image, and I'm sure that body dysmorphia distorts my view so that what I see in the mirror is innacurate. But by the day, I am more aware of my own strengths and quirks, none of which relate to my physical appearance. My goal is a strong and healthy body, and one which will allow me to go wherever my mind takes me in the future. Whether this body be curvy and full, or slim and athletic, is of no relevance. I no longer aspire to a certain physique, but a new way of seeing. I will engage in healthy habits and look after myself, with the trust that a natural and healthy body will follow.

Now onto Jenny's pledge, which sums this up so perfectly.

www.youtube.com/jennymustard

1. I pledge to shift focus from being pretty & skinny, to being healthy and kind
2. I pledge to never again make a negative comment about another person's body
3. I pledge to stop supporting media that engages in body shaming
4. I pledge to be a positive influence in my own environment

www.youtube.com/jennymustard

It is time to reclaim our bodies. Feel free to join me in this pledge by making changes to how you view yours, and others' bodies.

S xxx